Mama,I'm Sorry
by Kanon58
Summary: Being born as a boy is a mistake. Discovering he shouldnt wear skirts...Have you ever wondered how Nagisa's parent's divorced? How a three year old Nagisa grew into his current self? More detail of Nagisa's background. Read to know. Spoilers ahead though. Set on Nagisa's Mother Abuse.


_**Ive been wondering how Shiota family became broken. Despite that we are given clues. i wanna give more background. Yes this is just my own imagination of Nagisa's background life! Mostly taken from Nagisa's past chapter~!**_

 _ **this is my 2nd fic Thank you for reading 'Blue Criminal'**_

 _ **(Late upload..supposed to upload it before chap 144-147 appeared eh...)**_

ENGLISH SUCKS BUT YOU CAN STILL UNDERSTAND IT SO NO FLAMES. IF YOU HAVE COMPLAINS BE MY 'BETA-READER' PLEASE!

* * *

 **Mama I'm Sorry**

 **Summary:** More detail of Nagisa's background. Read to know. Spoilers ahead though. But maybe OCC just maybe..

Set on Nagisa's Mother Abuse.

* * *

 _My parent's used to be a very lovely couple. I know for i saw their photos together. Imagining how come a very lovely couple turn cold to eachother?_

"Say, Hiromi. What child do you want us to have?" Mr Shiota ask his future wife. His wife answered with a very bright and hopeful smile. "I want a daughter." And she hug his open arm. "You'll give me one right?" her future husband gave him an assuring smile and hugs back. "Yes. I Promise..."

"I Love you."

"I Love you too."

After getting married, Hiromi soon gave birth to a child.

"Congratulations! Your baby is safe!" the Doctor cheered. She fainted before she heard the next word.

She woke up and find her husband whose smile is brighter than the sun.  
"Darlin! where's our baby?!" still exaushted. Her beloved husband hold up her hands and press a light pressure of love.

"Honey. We...!"

The Nurse came in holding the clean baby. The baby has blue hair and blue eyes.

She reached out to take her baby and the nurse did so. After getting a hold of the infant, Mr Shiota continues. "We Have a son Hiromi! Isn't great?"

It was then Shiota Hiromi's world begun to crumble.

"...A..son..?" she look at her child. "A _son_?"

"Yeah!" The Father continued on his chatter. "Isn't he handsome?"

However his wife couldnt hear a thing. More like...She is blocking his word.

 _ **('a son, a son, a son, not..a daughter...?' )**_ She started to shake. And it bothered her husband. **('** _ **This isn't happening. I must still be asleep. It's impossible for me not having a daughter! For i've always...! Always..! Pray for it!' )**_ "Hiromi honey? What's the matter..? Aren't you happy?"

The next thing he saw was the scary expression of his wife.

"Darlin? What are you talking about? Our baby is... _Beautiful!"_

"Eh?...Hiromi? You..."

 _Maybe you are wondering how i was raised as a girl? Sounds funny? It all started when i was 3 years old. Sure my mom making me wear female baby clothes, since i saw of it's evidence in our photo album. Above all...i wasn't aware what was goin on. So in the hands of my mom's delusional wish._

* * *

 **3 years old Nagisa with short hair.**

"Tochan..? Where you goin?" three years old Nagisa tug the shirt of his dad whose wearing some bussiness suit. He kneeled down at him and pat. "Ah, Daddy's have work. But worry not!" There is his wife standing afar from the kitchen. "Mama will take care of you. So be a good boy okay?" he ruffle his head and it made little Nagisa giggled. "Okay, Nagisa will obey Mama. Hurry back Tochan!"

His father wave goodbye and gone to work.

 _Once the door is close..._

"Nagisa-chan." he looked up. The smile of his mom were true.

"Yes Kachan?"

Her finger tips travelled to his boy clothes. "Nagisa-chan...while Papa is not here...you shouldnt be wearing ugly clothes."

 _At first it didn't bothered me._

"Eh? Busai..? " _My mom showed some pretty little clothes that would fit my size. A cute one laced skirt. Pink with white flowers. And a white hat with pink ribbon._ "Yep. You see, Mama has to meet some of my former friends! And i wanna show them _you._ " _That made me happy. My mom want's to show me to all his friends...Really,really._

"So here. Change clothes for Mama okay?"

 _I wasn't aware yet. I'm just 3 years old._

 _Can you blame me? My father always out on work and the only one who stays at home is my mom. Of course i'll be a good boy._

 _Boy?_

 _I'm not sure._

"Hai!" Then we went out.

 _Kay it made me a little wonder...Why when my dad is around. I'm wearing 'shorts' but when i'm alone with my mom, i'm wearing 'skirts'. My question were answered immediately..._

 _There are three women around my mother's age. Behind them seems to be their child._

"Hiromi! Long time no see!"

"You too! And oh you here!"  
 _First they were just greeting at eachother until they decided to introduce each of their daughter. Yep. they all had daughters._

"This is my Daughter Mika."

"This is my cute Akane."

"Here is my shy daughter..come, don't hide Menma."

Flash of over the rainbow in my mom's eyes. She's so happy to see that they were all girls.

Until.

"Hiromi. Why not introduce us your child?"

My mom pulled me infront of the crowd, they all eyed me. "Ah, this is my _daughter_ Nagisa."

"Kachan?" bunch of words collied in my little mind _'Daughter?'_

"My! She's so cute!"

 _'She?'_

"I wanna hug her!"

 _'Her?'_

"How adorable! I envy you HiromI! Giving birth to such a lovely little girl!"

 _'Girl?'_

 _Well since im three years old you don't really expect me to notice what really is going on and why my mom is doin this._

"Now Nagisa chan. Play with Akane,Menma and Mika! Meanwhile we'll talk about stuffs okay? But becareful! Stay close the park!" _just like a goodie. i obey her and joined Akane,Menma and Mika._

"Ne! Let's play! Staring at flowers and green grass all day ain't helpin!" Akane whined. Next was Mika. "Yeah! I'm boreeed!" They seem to be spoiled brat except Menma. She's too shy.

"T-then..what should we play..?" Menma ask in her low voice. Almost hidin her mouth.

 _Akane the energetic stomp her feet and she seems like the leader of our circle._

"Let's play-'play house'!"

"Play house?" Nagisa ponders. "What's that..?"

Mika seems annoyed by me though. "What? You never played one? All girls does!"

"So...what and how should we play it?" i bother to know more of the details.

Listenin to Mika's lecture Akane- butts in. "Wait. Now i think we can't do it. Since were all 'girls'! We need a Father and Brother!"

Little Nagisa's thinkin out loud. "...Father...brother..." it gave him idea. "I know. I'll be the father! and brother!"

"Boo! You cant! Girl should play role female only duhh!" _I got rejected by Mika._

"But.." Nagisa pouted. Not aware that he isn't suppose to be wearing girl clothes.

"Ah. how about we catch crickets?" _i told them. but receive bad vibes._

"Eeww! Only boy's does that! And eww i don't even wanna touch them!"

"B-but..i saw some girls catching one in my neighborhood..." i bowed. But it can't stop the fury of Mika. "They do! But not us!" _Yeah cuz they are rich. And i'm on the average. but my mom's side is wealthy._

"I know. How about we go to the pool of this park?" Akane pointed the pool.

"I-i can't swim.." Menma said. But the two are just bossy as they are already.

"I can't swim yet without my tochan around.." i said. But they pulled me and Menma to the pool.

"Shut up! Were going to take a bath!"

 _ **Soon i'll learn of the horrible truth...**_

Good thing there is a kiddie pool. We played there. And had fun.

"Waa! I'm sooo soak! Let's change clothes!" Mika goes out of the pool and started to undo her dress.

"Wait! What if someone sees us naked?!" Akane felt alarmed. But no sweat to Mika. "It's fine! Since this place is ours! My mom rented this pool for them and us!"

"Yes good! Now let's remove all our clothes!" Menma and i didn't. And it made them mad. So they teased us to remove what we are wearing.

"N-no! Stop it!" Nagisa almost wanted to cry. Menma completely cries out cuz her underwear is pulled mine without a warning.

I heard them scream in horror.

"Yuuuuck!" they were shaking and really disgusted.

"Nagisa-chan..." Mika is almost terrified since she is naked.

Menma who didn't voice out her thoughts, but now she did. "Y-y-y-your..."

Akane ended it. "A Boy!?"

Horror struck at Three Years Old Nagisa Shiota.

 _You may think how stupid that i didn't knew that ...i was indeed a boy. Could you blame? My mom always telling me i'm a girl. Since dad so busy._

"..I...i..." he had no words to object. "i..was..?" he's lost. Next thing he saw Akane,Mika and Menma's mother. Screaming in horror as if i'm a black cat.

"W-w-what?! Hiromi? He's not a girl!"

"How dare you!" _they are angry at me. i have no idea why. But what scared me the most was my mom's face._ "o-...ka..chan..?" Nagisa can't help but puppy face.

 **She is...Mad.**

Without a word, she pulled me and put's my soak dress on. In short second she faced them again with a smile. "Oh my. what are you all talking about? I _Don't have_ a _son_."

I'm just...really too young to think that was pretty wrong. and twisted.

 _The faces of her friends were priceless. They all thought My mom is crazy._

 **When i was 5 years old.**

My dad came home early surprisingly. And he end up witnessing my mom's craziness.

"Hiromi?! Why is Nagisa wearing girl outfit?!" Meanwhile little Nagisa had no idea that he was wearing un proper clothes for his gender. All he does is scribble on the paper. Kept on drawing smiley face on the sun and clouds and flowers. But his dad grabbed his arm gently asking him to take off his clothes and change into what he's really supposed to wear.

"I'm not doin anything wrong! I'm cleaning the house! Cooking! Taking care both of you! So what's wrong making _him_ wear what i want Nagisa to wear?!" Her mom's voice is raising. Slighty scared for his mom and dad are screaming at eachother about him.

"The doctor said you'll be fine since you were just momentarily depress from birth! But while i was working you...doin such abuse to out son? How could you Hiromi? How could you!?"

Next hell loose. Hiromi is crying. "...but..Darlin...i want a daughter...why does he..?" eyeing Nagisa. "Have to be a boy?"

* * *

 **10 years old Nagisa with slightly little bit longer hair.**

My dad came home sad. I ask why and i found he lost his job. Eversince he lost his job...Mother became rather cold. More like, she's awfully bipolar. Sometime's she's kind and caring cheering my dad that he'll get a job soon. But mostly would ignore him and play with me. I told plently times of my dad that Mama make's me wear ribbons. And he would be always there to rescue me. I really love my dad. _He knew who i was._

But that kind of protective shield didn't work longer. He lost his job. It gives more reason for my mother to feel superior and holder of the house.

"I'm home." My mom greeted me. And my dad reading new's paper to find some job list on it's contents. "Nagisa! Welcome home! Perfect timin!" she hold out a very pretty bestida.

My eyes went big. And felt shiver. Very bad feelin.

"Wear this! And also i brought you some earrings too!"

"B-but...Okasan..-"

"Come! I'll fix your hair!" she pulled me hurry to the mirror but dad stops her again.

"Hiromi! Not again! How many times to i have to tell you he is a _boy_. Stop crossdressing him!"

My mom whose happily brushing my hair suddenly went cold. Sign of bipolar.

"Oh. sorry. but Nagisa's a daugther for me." She then smirked. "Besides...what can you feed us? How can you give Nagisa's needs when you are jobless?"

 **That trigger a fight.**

"Eversince i lost my job your acting like our son is some of your toy! You ill!"

"I don't care! Shut up! Shut up! I hate you! You promised to give me a daughter yet you didn't!"

Nagisa covered his ears. "..p-please..stop it. Okasan! Otosan!"

My mom throw some papers on my dad's face. "What is this?"  
"Obviously divorce contract."

"What?!"  
I felt my heart couldnt breath all of the sudden.

"D-divorce..?! But why?"

"You always gettin on my way making Nagisa a fine maiden! And you have no job! I no longer love you!" She pulled Nagisa back and holds up his face like some precious pot. "I Only need our beautiful Nagisa."

 _The lovely couple. Became broken...Since i was born...Eversince...i was born._

 _ **"Mother...Im sorry. I was a boy."**_

 _ **"Dad...Im sorry i wasnt a girl."**_

 _ **"Becuz of me. You and Mom are.."**_

They even went to court of who will have me in care. My dad promise me to get me. And free me from my mom's wildest dreams. However the court found out my dad had no job and ability to raise me alone. My mom side is fruitful.

So in the end, they divorced and...i was left at my torment.

* * *

 **Entering Kunugin Academy**

 _My mom brought all the finest lotion. cream bath. exclusive hair shine. In order to maintain my girly feature. She would even give me little food sayin 'girl's need diet!' But since i'm a guy and we have huge appetite. It was hard for me. My stomach would always grumble._

 _My hair is longer like other female student. I tie it up in ponytail since it's in the way for me. I'm not allowed to cut it. Or else she would beat me._

 _She never beats me before. Eversince dad and her broke apart. Her mindset went to the next level._

Nagisa Shiota enter's his first class year at Kunugin Academy. Everyone eyed him. And everyone did smell his scent. A lovely aroma than the other girls.

"Hey look. It's Nagisa." one of the student gossip. A red haired guy with fox eyed listens to them, grabbing a juice from vending machine.

"Yeah. he smell's like a girl."

"Not only that. He act's like a girl."

"Maybe you know? He's.. _Gray._ "

they all chuckled darkly and the mysterious red haired didn't like it. He approched them and saw the figure of Blue haired student. Who almost look like a female student if not with the pant's.,The boy's uniform.

 _All my life...i was raised as a girl. So all of my boyish act will be punish and re-educate by mom. My dad still brings me support despite that they are divorce. Mom didn't knew. It was a secret. He would send me male underwear, jacket's and etc. Cuz my mom burned most of my clothes and changed them to all the dresses she wanted. I may have my own cabinet but i have nothing there i own._

 _But she would sometimes brought me fine clothes. Although she wears the nasty face when she does shop it for me._

 _She even told the principal to make me wear the 'girl uniform' But of course Asano Principal didn't approve. So she made me wear the blue vest. Like some genderless character._

"hehh~" the evil faced boy followed Nagisa.

He's name is Akabane Karma.

Eversince i enter this school. All i got is to get bullied. Not that i wasn't bullied back then...bullies are always after me, but i think this school had the worst bullies.

He was slammed at the wall. By some three of his male classmate.

"Hey Shiota. Tell us the truth."  
"W-what truth..?"

"You...are girl right?"

"Huh?" that's the dummest questioned he heard.

 _Sometimes...along the way, i thought it's okay if i continue to be a 'girl' in order my mom not to completely broke down...I even try to feel the maiden's heart. But it really is impossible._

 _My likes...my hobbies..everything...I'm a guy. I love comics. I love fishing. I love watching fights and find them awesome. like i wanna kick some butts too...but i can never do it._

 _Cuz i'm being bullied apparently right now!_

"I'm.." the bully made his face closer and pulled his chin up. "You may no be a real girl but you can be some play time for us." Nagisa felt danger and pulled away. They are saying things that wasnt supposed to be!

"I'm! Let me go! No!" _I won't be someone else puppet!_ Beside's his mom. _I'm not a plaything!_

But they didn't leave him alone. They cornered him. "No! Stop! I beg! Leave me alone!"

 _"Otousan...!" save me...!_

When he thought he's about to loose the only precious proof of what he really is. Suddenly a stranger appeared and beat the crap out of the devils.

"Say he's 'gray' but...i think you are the ones whose onto _that_ side." Akabane Karma appeared to his aid.

"A-akabane..kun?"

"Hey. Your safe now. I won't let them mess with you again." Despite his scary method. His smile is really kind.

"T-thank you.."

"Im Karma. Ah you already know that. So just call me Karma. How about ya?"

"Im...Shiota..Nagisa."

 _I started to hang out with Karma. The day i thought would never come for me to feel like a boy again..Karma kun showed me. He made me feel proud. We played video games, does fishing money. Ah well he's the one beating them, i'm just his bait. He even invited me to his house. And i learned lots of brotherhood from him._

 _Karma's my special friend._

 _He didn't ask why i smell like a girl._

 _Act like one._

 _Look like one._

 _My speech like some shy maiden._

 _He didn't mind. It made me happy. Really...happy._

Nagisa got home. "I'm home." surprisingly her mom is in good mood. Whenever he would get home his mother would always tell him _'welcome home Nagisa! Now change clothes! i brought this for you after that let's eat!'_ he never had the chance to wear what he want.

You already know what kind of clothes he's being made to wear.

"Okasan. did something good happen?"

"Ah!" she twirled around. "You. dont you have any boyfriend?" a blush cross his face. Not becuz he had one. becuz... _Why boyfriend?!_

"M-mom..you know..that's impossible."

"why not? Your so cute! and your attitude is fine! boy's will fell for you immediately!"

 _I'm a guy._ "Ah..but i don't have anyone i like..."

"Too bad." the conversation end up with her mom pestering him to go to the other side of love. What a weird mom.

* * *

 **2nd class year Nagisa, still classmate with Karma**

"Nagisa. Can i go to your house?"

"Eh?" pulling his bag and they went to go out the school. "See..i never got the chance to visit your house last year. So maybe now we can? Were friends now~ So ya knooow." Karma would always put a smile and playful tone. He might not seem to mean it. But he means everything.

"My house." instant flash of his room. it might not be decorated with girly stuff. But his closet! The scent of his room! And everything around the house! No sign of male stuff!

"...S-sure. We can go today." He had no idea why he even agree with it! Hopefully his mom won't do anything crazy that will blow his cover.

They went in his house.

"Mom. I have a friend coming over. Is it okay?" first her mom's face were annoyed but next to the usual happy mood. "Oh my! What a very handsome fellow! Are you Nagisa's boyfriend?"

Nagisa almost choked himself inside. "M-mom! no-"

Thankfully Karma didn't took Hiromi's word seriously. "Yeah. Im his Boy _'friend'._ Mam."

 _At first mom was happy that i had a guy come over my house cuz she was thinkin Karma kun is my lover. But she late realize that it was Karma's influence that i'm forgetting my girl manners._

 _Like when sitting on the floor. My legs are wide open and i eat lots of chip. She notice it while i'm having fun with Karma. She glared at my sitting position. I decided to sit like i was always forced to. Karma notice the change of my action. And he suddenly seem to realize my room wasn't of a guy's room._

My mom later kicked him out. 'ah Nagisa still has some work to do please go home your parents might be worried.' _i just hope Karma kun didnt notice it yet!_

The next day, my fear were once again born. At the school the bell rings of going home. Fast to grab his bag but got block by Karma. His expression is different. It was blank and it scared him. _'Karma might dislike me if he knew i was a crossdresser!'_

"Nagisa. Can we hang out for a bit before going home?"

...

Karma kun talked about his family background. Nothing tragic or horrible. He just find it pretty boring and i envy him. He can ask anything he wants like some new robber shoes, games, super hero comics, robo movies...Loving parent's. Own decoration of his room.

Everything that i don't have. Not to mention he's smart. But due to his violent behavior and always skippin classes he isnt love. But he keeps protecting bullied student's like me.

"Nagisa. you know me right? I won't judge you. I hate people who jugde...So Nagisa."

I looked up. He looks worried about me. So..did he notice?

What a rare sight of Karma.

"You can tell me."

He looks like he would swear. It really..really hurt.

"The truth is...my Mom is.." i have no idea since when was the last time i cried. Cuz whenever i cry...my mom would be awfully happy. Sayin that i look like a girl in tears _ **. It turns her on**_.

Right now i feel lame. A boy shouldnt cry but i did. All the feelings i kept eversince dad left. Eversince i was my mom's puppet. My depression, my stress were released.

"My mom is..she want a daughter..but i was a boy." i kept crying. such a broken voice.

"So..everything about me is. She raised me as a girl. Until now she forces me to crossdress!"

I thought Karma kun would keep his comment shut. But he didn't hesitate. Nor waver his straight forward eyes at me. He isn;t thinkin any dirty about my gender.

"Idiot. Male can cry too. Just becuz you cry doesnt mean your no longer a guy."

 _My bond with Karma went more deeper. I can really say he was my Best friend._

* * *

 **The Moon Exploded. I end up in Class E. Also Karma Kun were thrown in it too.**

 _Only Karma knows my secret. No one does. Not until my mom learned Thailand. She wanted me to go there and change my sex. She even prepared chosen guys from photos of whatever she took them from. She said she wants me to marry a rich man. For the first time i really declined But as always getting beaten in the process._

 _She wants me to leave class E not when i finally found what i call 'home'._

 _I thought my secret would be forever hidden from my Teacher. But Mom made it worst. Broadcast it at Class E even there is Korosensei and my classmates eavesdropping._

 _She ruined me._

 _I couldnt even said a thing._

 _She removed my pigtails and showed Koro sensei my hair saying i was a girl. If i was born as a girl would be better._

 _i wanna kill myself. not that it really crossed my mind. It's just my idiom._

 _ **"Korosensei. Help me."**_

What i exactly thought at that time.

Another Bell rings for another day.

* * *

 **THE END.**

Sorry i wanna cliff hang since the rest of the events where the manga...and i really dont have the idea how to remake that chapter so i leave the blues clues to all of you. ONE SHOT ONLY SORRY XD I guess it didn't turn out well. advance notice meant NO harm to homosexual. or what. i'm just voicing nagisa's feelings since it was said plently of times in the manga.

MY ENGLISH IS MESSED UP HAH. heeelp meee.


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